Albert Monroe...

I'm leaving in a about an hour to go pick up Andy, Jennica and Noah from the airport, but in the meantime, I will leave you with this email my sis just sent me.

Look at the picture up close and it's Albert Einstein.

Now walk away a good 10 feet or so and you will see Marilyn Monroe.

I wonder if they're related? pffttt.

Tomorrow I'll be posting REAL pictures and info about my trip.

Till then...

I'm home!

I've never met a Texan who wasn't proud to be a Texan.

I was going to post bunches of pictures, and then I realized the camera cable is still in Texas with Andy... He won't be back till late Tuesday so hopefully I'll have picture up on Wednesday.

As for being home... I have a lot to do. Starting first thing tomorrow, I've got to get the lawn mowed before I get a letter from the neighborhood association for not "properly" carying for my property.

Then I have to go grochery shopping.

Then I have to weed the garden and flower beds. I weeded them right before I left, but they need it again already. How come weeds grow so much faster than my vegtable garden?

Right after my garden was tilled I put down landscaping fabric on the rows. Well, the fabric has acted like a mini greenhouse. The weeds are so thick and lush that they are pushing up the fabric about 6 inches and even pulling out from under the heavy bricks I used to hold the fabric in place. I took some pictures so I'll post some before and after shots later this week.

Andy, Noah and Jennica are still in Texas till Tuesday. Have to say, I feel a bit guilty saying it, but it's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO peaceful and quiet around here... I'm sure by Tuesday I'll be feeling a bit lonely and anxious for them to get home, but there is something to be said for going from a large family reunion of 32 people to just Aaron and I alone in the house.

Awwwww!

Oh Gesh....

Do you ever have one of those, "Oh duh... I'm so thick" moments?

I had one today when I realized this evening that I'm not the most important person in the world.

I know, I know... It's hard to believe, but I'm really not.

I realized, well duh... okay...

My MIL and FIL are LEAVING in FIVE days to serve a mission in MOSCOW, RUSSIA for EIGHTEEN MONTHS...

DO you think maybe they've got a lot on their minds? Um yeah... And yet they still took the time to take Andy and I out to dinner and to a play last night.

Do you think maybe my brothers and sisters in law, who would also be my MIL and FIL's children might be a little concerned for their parents and concerned about missing their parents.

That IS the reason we're here in Texas visiting after all...

Do you think there is a chance everyone might be a little overwhelmed with accommodating those of us who are from out of town, and trying to help their mom and dad get everything prepared for their move, and my FIL retiring, and arranging a camping trip-family reunion in the middle of everything, and farewell parties... all this on top of their already busy lives... There are about 32 of us who are here (I think?? It might be more...) One of my SIL's planned and carried out a week long day camp for 40 cub scouts that was also going on this week. Andy's brother is a regional manager for a large company that has currently just gone up for sale so he has been working long hours... My SIL who has been putting us up (or putting up with us..) works from home, and I swear, every minute she has spent in the last week and a half has either been entertaining our family, cooking for our family, or try to keep up with her work. All the while her husband has been repairing damage my kids have done to their house while we've been here... (Thank you Aaron) I could go on and on... this is hardly the half of it.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, even though I am still hurting over loosing Vincent, I've maybe been a little self centered. When I think about all that has been going on, I am really grateful for the time and attention that has been paid to our family and to me in particular. I guess I've been a little spoiled at home with the people around me who I'm sure are busy with their own lives, but haven't had all THIS extra stuff going on, so they have been able to give us so much time and attention. They also are so much more familiar with what we've been through because they have been there with us while we went through everything.

During the family reunion, which starts tomorrow, My inlaws have asked me to share with the adult members of the family what we have been through so everyone will be able to understand a bit more.

I'm not going to lie. I'm scared.

I want to do it, but at the same time, I have a really hard time talking about it in person. I can write and write about it, but I rarely even talk to Andy about how I'm feeling. He commented the other day that he has to read my blog to find out what I'm thinking, and it's really true. Just tonight he was asking me if I was thinking about Vincent, and it really put me completely on the offensive, like, "That is absolutely non of your business!" To me, it feels the same as someone asking me a very personal question, that's completely out of line for them to be asking.

I do not like to talk, out loud, about my feelings. It's WAY outside my comfort zone. I don't even like it when someone reads things about Vincent on my blog and then wants to talk about it with me. I need time to process, and that's what writing allows me to do.

Love you all,
Cam

There's no place like home... there's no place like home...

Just a short picture less post.

I wanna go home. My in laws are WONDERFUL people. They really are, but they don't seem to understand what I'm going though and I have never felt so alone.

The other night we were at my father in laws retirement dinner. It was a fun night, but at one point his managers were asking about how many children each of us had, and my sister in law pointed to Andy and I and said we had three kids. I wanted to just shout, "no we have four kids!"

It bothered me so much, but then later that night I realized that unless I want to have to explain to every person who asks how many children I have, then I almost have to treat Vincent like he did not exist and only share his existence with the people I really want to sharing him with. I don't like that. It feels like I'm dishonoring him. If he had lived to be 4 or 5 years old, I never would skip over him, or allow other people to skip over him. It's like because he was stillborn the world does not see him as a real child, one that counts.

I was suppose to be going home today because I would have been too far along in my pregnancy to stay any longer, and risk being away from my home and doctor in case I went into labor.

I am suppose to be 31 weeks today and incredibly uncomfortable and big.

Just a quick post

I have so much to do today with packing and everything, but I wanted to put some pictures up quick. I'll have internet access while we're gone, but I'm not sure how often I'll be posting.

So get your fix, I'm not sure when I'll have another for you.

This is Andy's new Motorbike:

And this is Aaron taking the kids for a ride.

There is a great bike course in Kuna our friend Sam told us about. Andy took the kids out while I was -you know- shopping for a swimsuit.

Don't laugh at Jennica's helmet. We try, we really do.

Aaron and Noah after their baths. My sweet mother in law sent these cute new towels for Vincent. After we lost him we opened them up and let the kids have them. Aaron has officially claimed the frog as his, and has to use it every time he has a bath.

This is the first time Noah has ever used one. It's hard to see, but he's a duck.

And of course, Aaron, doing what he loves, hopping around like a frog in the buck.

Wwwwibbit!

Okay, that's it for now! I gotta go start packing. Love you all...

The search is over!

Well, okay...

So I'm not going to win any swimsuit contests, but after, 7 hours of swimsuit shopping I finally ended up with a suit that fits, has supportand coverage up top, and is an acceptable color, and long board shorts.

The suit is a solid purple speedo, the shorts solid brown. They look alright together... I don't really match or anything, but you have no idea how relieved I am to have just found pieces that work with my body.

Ahhhhh!

No, I will not be posting pictures. :)

Now I just need a tan...

Anyone know of any great, non streak, self tan lotions??

Down days and up days.

We all have them, right.

Yesterday and today are down days.

We're leaving for Texas next week. Yesterday, after trying on my swimsuits, I acutally did an internet search on, "swimsuits for fat women." I found lot of great sites about accepting your body the way it is... but what if I don't want to?

One of the websites was for before and after beach pictures on an Oprah show. Gotta tell you, the new swimsuits didn't make the big women look any less big. It made me feel there was no hope. I mean if Oprah, with all her resources, can't magically turn these women into size two's then who can! I realized I didn't really want a fabulous new swimsuit to accentuate my positives and minimize my negatives, but I wanted someone to just sell me a new size 2 body, and I wanted to find it on sale or clearance. THAT would make for a really great day!

I'm planning on going shopping this afternoon, it will be an 'up' day if I can find some cute red board shorts. Then I will feel much more comfortable in my swimsuit and better about my body.

If you know of any really great stores to shop for swim gear please let me know!