Sunday, September 25, 2011

Birthdays Suck.

I hate my birthday.  Hate it.  Dread it.  Cry through it. Want to run away. Pretend like it's not happening.  Find the time/space continuum so I can skip it..  HATE IT.

I mean...  woohoo!  Way for me for being born. I didn't actually do anything to accomplish this momentous occasion... except grow, but I want you to honor me and celebrate me every year for it none the less.  What in the heck??  Birthdays are kind of retarded. 

The attention makes me uncomfortable... really uncomfortable. It's awkward. My birthdays should no longer be acknowledged after the age of 21.  All of the important things have happened... after 21 I should be mature enough that I don't need to expect my friends to run around chanting my name with "hip-hip-hoorays" once a year.

I thought I was alone with this, but I googled it.  :)
and so on... and so forth...

94% of the populations of people (who are obsessed with their normalcy) are on my side!  I didn't write the posts, but I SO totally could have. 

On my birthday, I hate when people turn all this special attention on me...  it's so unbelievably uncomfortable... but at the same time, when people know it's my birthday and don't say anything then I'll just thinking to myself, "WTH!!"  It's a catch 22.  I just want to run away somewhere I can't be reached.  Because then... no one is saying Happy Birthday and making a big deal... and I'm not feeling discarded because someone forgot.  I feel stupid and selfish for caring if people forget when I don't want them to do anything either.

The weeks leading up to my birthday I just get more and more anxious until bammm... the big day hits.  I usually start "celebrating" a day or two before by feeling super depressed, randomly crying, and desperately looking for an escape... some way to avoid the day. I seriously consider shutting down my facebook account to avoid all the birthday comments, BUT I also know, come the "big" day, I'm selfishly going to need those comments or I'll feel super depressed.  It just gets worse and more intense the closer it gets.  And I always ride out the depression for a week or two post birthday. 

My birthday occurred recently and I had to wait an adequate amount of time before I was even capable of blogging about it.

What is wrong with me?  I really don't understand why I can't just let it go, and blow it off... but every year it gets to me.  I'm pretty emotionally shut off, and I can generally control my emotions in just about ANY situation...  but I can't freaking get a handle on it when it comes to my birthday.  Believe me I try..  I try so hard...

I don't know why I can't be one of those people who thinks their birthday should be a national holiday and should be celebrated for a month... and then that's exactly what they do.   It sure looks like they are having fun. 

My opinion?  I think society puts this image out there that birthdays are suppose to be this huge happy amazing day where we feel on top of the world, and so then if we don't... if we wake on our birthday and it feels (gulp) like a normal day...  then we feel like crap.  Maybe it's just me (and my 94%).

I should mention that I really want to celebrate my friends birthdays. :)  Love it.  Just please.. on mine...  say happy birthday so I know I'm not forgotten, but maybe don't make eye contact. 

Am I alone here?

xoxo Cam


Renaissance Soul said...

Camille! Wow! I would have never seen that post coming! I learned a long time ago, my birthday isn't about's about the people who love me and who I get to love back. I always send my Mom flowers on my "birth" day because it was a "birth" day for her too. I choose who, what and where I want to celebrate the big, beautiful, brave life I am blessed with. I used to hate my birhtday because I was often disappointed, but now I'm never disappointed because it is exactly who, what and where I want!! Next year, change it! I guarantee you will begin to LOVE your birhtday!!

mandbrid said...

Me too!!! I thought I was the only one. Happy belated!

:Jayne said...

gosh! we ARE soul sisters!!!! IT is a catch 22. I feel like no one makes a big enough deal of it, so why make a big deal at all??? It embarrasses me. and yes, I've already started the anxiety about mine..