I have this old table in my office. I make all my art sitting at this old table. It's covered in Mod Podge and paint, and generally hundreds of scraps and bits and pieces of wanna-be art supplies, my kids school work, unfinished projects, and tools.
I love it.
When I moved the table into my studio I started decoupaging items of interest to the surface. Mostly fortune cookie fortunes, Brave Girl quotes, and other text and pictures which seem to reach out and touch my heart.
I need to have my heart touched
(sometimes)
Sometimes life feels so off. Like nothing I do is ever good enough... Ever makes a difference... ever is-- well, enough.
So I push and Push and PUSH myself to do more, better, faster. Always trying to figure out why I am not the best, why I am stretched so thin, and where my time goes.
Then I heard something today... If the situation isn't improving you don't have to stay, you can QUIT.
What?
What is this "quitting" you speak of? And how do you know when it's okay to quit. How do you know what you can quit?
Nice in concept, difficult in application.
Sometimes I feel like I would love to quit FOOD. Evil devilish stuff. Makes me so frustrated that my body needs calories, and yet everyone knows calories are the enemy.
Food.... the greatest necessary evil of all time. Mostly I think food and calories frustrate me because having children has changed my body in ways I can't successful change back without the aid of surgery, and that frustrates the hell out of me.
So I keep working and dieting... I drink a "weight loss shake" every morning for breakfast, and most days have another for lunch. I have had people I don't know come up to me in the grocery store and chastise me for buying them.
My answer to that is, "If I'd been drinking them for as long as I have and I still looked like I needed them, wouldn't that be the real problem?"
I don't have an eating disorder and I do snack and get plenty of calories so seriously, no worries...
I'm just frustrated.
Mostly the fortunes and sentiments just remind me of things I really should know, but don't always feel or believe... or trust that they could be possible.
I love this next one best. It's okay to keep my plans secret sometimes... and sometimes it's in my best interest to do so. Secret plans sounds like scheming and conniving....
I want to rub my hands together and say...
"Mwahahahaha..."
And sell my ideas... ha. I get it.
Sometimes I think that if I quite my full time job I might actually have time to make a living creating art... but I'll tell you, anytime art feels like work I lose interest.
Yes, I am working on some inventory for an Etsy store, but it's never going to be well stocked. I'm not going to have "spring lines" or anything of the such. just whatever rare and unusual concept pops into my head (or Shawna's... you know... cause she has great ideas which she continues to share with me...). That is what will be available in my shop. Weird odds and ends intended to be incorporated into other art projects. Some finished pieces, and of course leather cuffs.
I intend to open my shop with about 10 listings... and I'm hoping it will happen in 2012.
Fortune cookies are real... and do not have to be followed with the phrase, "in the bedroom"... although that sure as hell makes the last one crazy inappropriate.
xoxo Cam
4 comments:
Cam you are gorgeous and I would LOVE to have my body look like yours. love ya. E
Oh yeah! me too on the body for sure! I just think your beautiful on the inside though... and wondering how hope is going for you. Love the table..and the mini look into your creative space. Talented..and doing it all. Love ya Cam!
Hi Cam! I just wanted you to know that I'm working on Soul Restoration I and I'm listening to your playlist while I'm dancing around my kitchen/art table. Thanks for the inspiration, sister!
Camille...I don't know the frustration you feel on the body image - I want to change my body but so far have not wanted it enough to do the work. I grew up deathly thin and never had to do the work of keeping in shape. Isn't that a funky twist? I know what you mean about doing something you love and it starting to feel like work - it takes the joyful spirit away. Don't do that to yourself. You have the right idea to give yourself the freedom to do the art that you enjoy. And your art is amazing because of it.
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