Sunday, February 20, 2011

Funkage::

Do you ever feel it?

That feeling like you could have... should have done better? Letting people down.

You know, NOT the I'm just not going to try feeling...

But the feeling of trying your best, feeling like you've done your best in the moment, but then after....

Seeing that you really could have done more... could have done better.  But now it's too late.  And you've missed it.

Sucks

sucks eggs.

seriously.

That's how I'm feeling now.  About everything.  Why could I not have been in a place to do... be... meet... what those around me needed.  I feel like I have let people down.  What sucks worse is knowing things could have gone better, but not knowing how, or what you could have changed to bring about different results.  Sometimes I don't know how and that SUCKS.  It sucks because I know I'm still in a tailspin, and I don't have the tools to pull out of it. 

I feel frustrated and I don't know why.  Like scratch my own eyes out frustrated.

I have an imaginary twin sister called insecurity.  I don't know if she really likes me or is just faking it though.  We SURE seem to spend a lot of time together.

Most of the time, I don't like to write about things on my blog, until I feel like I've found a solution to what's going on... otherwise I feel like I get a little too down and doomsdayish..  I don't mean to be so negative.  I'm going to go out of a limb here and admit something.... 

I
don't
know
all
the
answers. 



Shocking, I know.

I'm pretty sure the world is supposed to end now or something.

Seriously, All I want is to never grow old, to have limitless energy, always be at my very very best, and never disappoint anyone.  Is that REALLY so much to ask?

Please excuse me now...  I know this post could be much better, but I have to go.  I'm really a secret agent and I have to go save the world from aliens, or a nuclear explosion, or something.  But don't worry...


I'll be back.

What if... I could eat chocolate, and it really did make everything feel better, and I didn't feel guilty afterwards? 

If I get to heaven and that's not a part of it....  I'm going to be pissed.

xoxo Cam

4 comments:

Café Café said...

You and me, we need a night out together.

Camber said...

Hey Camille! I wanted to interject a few of my thoughts on the subject. I have personally found that if I focus on shoulda, woulda, coulda's...I am always be focusing in the past, and the past is well...the past. I have made a great effort recently to be kind to and supportive of MYSELF; grateful for my abilities, however big or small and it has made all of the difference. I recognize that Heavenly Father believes that I am capable of great things, and therefore...with that encouragement I am able to rise to the occasion! At the end of the day I no longer dwell on what I could have done better or what I originally thought SHOULD happen. Scott and I have thankfully both adopted the mindset that each event seen by others as good or bad is instead, RIGHT. As long as we're focused on our ultimate goals...they were SUPPOSED to happen, and all part of the process toward that goal. We learn something positive from each and every event. So, it's only the final result that you can stay focused on and find peace and confidence knowing that no matter what...it was right. Be kind to yourself. Celebrate EVERYTHING! Live with no regrets...and life in every aspect; your creative side, your work, your marriage, your beautiful children with be AMAZING! I have become a more confident person in the last two years than I have been my whole life. Start small. Believe you are worthy and capable of being a great leader...and you will rise to the occasion! I wish you the best. Thanks for this blog post! It gave me great motivation today! You're amazing!

Alison said...

I think you're special and amazing and incredible. All the things that you think are faults or that need improvement are the things that make you human, and REAL. Nobody (apart from me, hardy-ha-har) is perfect. Wish I could hug you, feed you a big pile of chocolate and watch glee with you right now... then we could forget guilt and wanting to be better and laugh our heads off instead. So this is totally not a deep and meaningful comment, but it's all I got this morning. If I had some chocolate, I'd have more inspiration xox LOVE YOU

Ana (Anrilla) said...

Hi, I read some post. Your childs are very funny. I like your album houses too!!