Catalysts. Sometimes I wish I could go back before the catalyst.  but not lose all I have learned, just lose selective memories..  I hate remembering each minute of each day and reliving exactly what was going on exactly at this time.  I hate the distinct permanent memories. The memories that will ALWAYS be there. The ones I'll never ever forget.  The feeling behind the nurse telling me he was fine.  The sound of laughter in the next room.  The feel of the anesesia needle. The guilt over ruining the wedding. Never touching him. the horrifying feeling of dark and cold. The stupid idiotic "welcome back".. seriously.... ugh. so many memories I want to forget.  Does anyone know how to forget?

It wasn't suppose to be like this.  I'm done.