Monday, November 7, 2011

What You Don't Know Might Not Hurt You, But....



Conditional love...

So much fun, right?? 

Or how about this one...

"We're not gossiping.  We're SO concerned."

...Um, no you're not, you're using the guise of religion, women's organizations, and family as an opportunity to pass judgement and spread rumors without the guilt. 

It's called justification.

In situations where assumptions are made, hearsay occurs, or judgement is passed irreversible damage results.  Spreading rumors has been described as opening a feather pillow into the wind, but I don't think that's very accurate.  You can see the feathers as they drift away, but it's impossible to see the far reaching effects of whispers.   Plus, feathers drifting away in the wind looks pretty, publicly destroying another persons image does not.

A more accurate description of spreading rumors:  Head lice.  You've got it.

You don't see it spreading.
You have no idea of the far reaching effects.
It's impossible to "collect."
Even if you say your sorry, there is still am immense amount of work to correct the situation.
Finally, most of the time no one knows where it started, but everyone knows about it regardless.

The only part that does not apply is that the head lice is always head lice.  If head lice was really like rumors than the head lice would turn into a lovely cockroach infestations, and termites, and ring worm, and all sorts of other parasites.

I know... this ALL still sounds like such a good time....

I have decided it's not worth my time to attempt to correct judgements, rumors and assumptions about me.  I hope you are strong enough to decide the same.  It does no good to try and chase down rumors.  Actions speak louder than words, so just be who you are.  Eventually people will figure it out on their own.   I have so many more worthwhile things to do with my time than to spend it trying to correct blissful ignorance.

Because, guess what? 

When you listen to gossip and pass it along you're completely ignorant to the truth.

I've been there.  On both sides.  I'm guilty as hell of gossiping and judging others.  I wish I could say it will never ever ever ever happen again, but I know that's not reasonable.  I am much more aware, but I would be lying if I said I honestly believed I would never ever be guilty of gossiping again.  I get it that sometimes it does not feel like you're doing anything wrong...  OR... and this is my favorite:

What that person did was SO BAD that they deserve it. 
Or what they did was so public that it's not like they were trying to hide it, why should I?
OR Everyone knows about it... it's not like if I don't say anything people aren't going to hear about it anyway...

When you intentionally go about trashing someones integrity, and tearing down their name in public don't ask, "Are we okay?" 

"Yeah um, I totally feel guilty because when your life was $%!#, and you were going through a whole lot of things that no one could possibly understand, least of all me, I felt like I was justified to talk to my friends about it, and um... there was a lot about it I didn't understand so I just left those bits about your behavior and integrity open for interpretation... and, well...  this is kind of embarrassing for me but as it turns out my friends told a few people, who told a few people, who told a few people, who told a few people, who told a few people, who told a few people, who told a few people, who told a few people, who told a few people, who told a few people... and each time the story got better and better..  well not better for you of course  :) ... but anyway, I'm feeling really guilty now so I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry... so that I can feel better.  So, um, are we okay now?  Forgive me?  :)" 

Yeah, no we're not okay.  I'll never trust you unconditionally again.  I feel like a fool for ever thinking I could.

Now, off to the moon with you. 

When you trash my house, you don't get invited back.  It's going to take me some time to forgive, but I will.  I'll still love, but I'll love from a distance. 



Alison said...

Love you sweetheart. Sorry you were hurt. I know the kind of person you are (and your secrets safe with me) :p

sandi said...

Good for you, my Cam. I'd say the moon was too close. Uranus might be better. (and much more apropos)


Mikal said...

I wish this could be sent out into the entire world! Love it!

I'm sorry though, that you had to be put in the position to write this.

I also wanted to mention that your tutorial for the Stamped Cuffs was wonderful, Thanks for sharing!

Ann said...


But I'm 400% better than I used to be. Really.

Changing is better than saying I'm sorry. But both is sometimes good, too.

I'm glad you wrote this. Love to you.

:Jayne said...

Ditto what they all said! I am so working on not "gossiping" because what you say is sooooo true!
Sending love and hugs to you! I miss you!

Grandma Paddy said...

I keep stumbling (more like the Universe guiding me!) onto the most amazing sites today. This is one. I feel kindredship. You give quiet strength in your words. Thank you so much for sharing them with all. Patsy Hannah

AuBien said...

Oh my stars, Camille. You don't KNOW how much this post means to me right now!!! Truth truth truth. I'm going to read this a zillion times this weekend and make sure I own the truth you are sharing. I love your paragraph about the guilty talker. So stinking true.