My Brave Catalyst

My baby has been gone for 23 months.


And I am barely getting to a mental place where I can start working on keeping his memory alive.

...SO freaking hard.

I just burst into tears driving home from work the other day thinking about my brothers wedding that occurred the same weekend we buried our baby, and how it had ruined his wedding.

I mean it didn't ruin his wedding, but having a death and burial in the family the same time as the wedding... I know it damped their special day, and everyone involved couldn't exactly whoop and holler with joy over their wedding without feeling like they were being horribly disrespectful to our family.

For me, Vincent is my Catalyst.


He changed everything. And everyone else has stayed the same. Not a fun place at all.... It's the kind of change no one wants. I can't go back because that would mean pretending like he never happened, and I can't go forward because that would mean moving on, and leaving behind. I'm more withdrawn than ever.. why the HELL would I want to be close to anyone? It just gives them immense power to cause pain?

I don't even tell anyone I've had 4 children anymore because I don't want to talk about it when they just don't get it.

I started this project the last day at Brave Girls camp. To me it isn't good enough. I'm not satisfied with it. I am SEVERELY temped to crumple up the wings really bad.

They should be broken after all.


I'm reminded of something Noah had said when he was about 5 years old.



Mom, People can't fly. Birds can fly, but people can't. Unless they are dead, and then birds can't fly, just like people.





People can't fly.


I miss you. xoxo

This is just one of those things I haven't come to terms with yet...

My baby doesn't have a headstone yet. At first it was a financial issue, now it's just an emotional issue. If there was a marker with his name on it... Well, I don't know if I could deal with that.

Love you.
Thanks for reading.

xoxo Cam

Bravery Walks

Every day at Brave Girls camp involves a low impact walk.

The walks not only get us out and moving after all the stationary art projects, but they increase our metabolism so we can enjoy all the really amazing Brave Girls food.


Fabulous opportunity for some introspective thinking.. or real bonding with other Brave Girls.

Excersise gets those endorphines going. The walks are always so refreshing.

((And apparently Christy uses them to check for cell service.. for shame, for shame.. lol))

You don't have to have a wild animal hat... but it really helps.

Seriously.. Jenny is so dang cute!

Mmmm... Bacon.

And yes, I realize an owl is not an animal, it's a bird, and this pig is probably not wild..

But "wild animal hat" sounds so much better than "Bird or Farm Animal" hat.

The view, with the lingering fog each morning is spectacular.

Makes for amazing pictures.

Just ignore the Keep Out signs... and if you're reading and you think this is YOUR old barn.. well you're wrong.. We're some place else. No worries.


Love you Brave Girls.

xoxo Cam

Brave Art.

Brave Girls Camp can be summed up in one simple statement:

Life and Art retreats.

And ohh... The art projects Melody designs for us are the kind that really reach in and touch your soul.

This is pre-camp, when we were in the process of setting up the art room.

The color and decor is so yummy. You should know at brave girls camp, even though the locations are rented, Melody and Kathy go all out to make it very "Brave girls", which in short just means AMAZING.

First thing we do on arrival to a location is pack up all of the home decor in the rental.. then start unpacking all of our own.. down to the dishes and silverware and window treatments and artwork...... it is a huge, HUGE undertaking.


But it is so worth every minute, and every effort. The cabins become a haven of safety and comfort and it's so easy to be creative in that kind of environment.


The projects are designed to be insightful and introspective. Something you can look back on later when you're seeking some inner peace and direction.


And oh... the supplies. Everything you could imagine and hope for. Huge containers of found items of all shape and style. Paints and glitter, MOD PODGE. Lots of Mod. We love MOD. Mod is our friend and constant companion.

Everyone gets so into the zone and creates the most beautiful and meaningful projects.



And we teach each other all of our secret techniques and skills. Or SKILZ.

And we really bond. I love this picture, not only because these girls mean so much to me, but because it looks like I have super long noodle arms and I'm strangling everyone together for a picture.


Fabulous beautiful brave girls create fabulous beautiful art.


And bond into fabulous loving friendships...



Over a glass of muddy, modgy, paint water.



And then we go home and we keep creating, and creating and creating...

Long live the bravery.

xoxo Cam

When it comes to the food.. No bravery is necessary.

Our super cool, HUGE, Brave Girls dining table.

The table cloth is an old vintage bedspread... Seriously coolest idea ever.

Hmmm... It was so good.


So delectable.

So handmade everything..

And, um yes, I think I am going to make it a personal goal to get a picture of Chelsea licking the spatula at every single Brave Girls Camp. Cause she's awesome like that and the BEST kitchen manager ever.

More to come..

xoxo cam

A little bit of Bravery

With starting out on Teresa Collins Design Team, my full time job... and everything else under the sun, I can't see any where in the future that I will have time for a big long beautiful flourishing heart felt blog post about my experience at Brave Girls Camp Feb 2010. So instead I'm going to try to accomplish sharing the experience with small short heartfelt posts.

Being part of the staff at Brave Girls Club has to be one of the sweetest gigs ever.

I mean seriously..
I'm trying to think of jobs I would rather have and lets see..

Well, there is Massage test person, bathtub test person, positive affirmations test person, oh and of course secret shopper and hotel room service and spa service special secret test person, and um maybe designer clothing and trendy shoes test person....

Yeah, that wouldn't be too bad... but since I live on Earth...

What's great about Brave Girls Staff is in order to make the experience as full and fulfilling as possible for the guests, the staff really participates as guests, which we love. It's like we've opened up our home and hearts to all these fantastic visitors and our job is to make them feel welcome and safe and loved. We do that by serving them, and laughing and playing together. It feels like we are welcoming them into our big, brave, family.

Hope you enjoy.

First. Brave Girls is about slowing down, keeping things right in your life. It's about examining your soul with a new perspective.


It's also about learning to set boundaries so you can restore and protect your soul. Your soul is private. And it is OKAY to put up no trespassing signs and PROTECT it. No one has the right to decide they belong in your inner circle except you.

Even though these next pictures are out of focus, they are some of my very favorite. This is part of what happens at Brave Girls Camp.

Laughing.

Lots and lots of fall-out-of-your-chair laughing.

I have to point out the reflection in the glass behind Kathy, did you see everyone laughing?

Kathy was telling us a fabulous story about herself and what happens when a young girl gets her license... sees a cute boy, and sort of forgets she is the one driving.

Love, love, love these girls.

That's it for now.

xoxoxo. See ya again soon.

Cam

Teresa Collins!

It's official.

I am now a member of Teresa Collins Design team. ((Insert Standing ovation here))

YAY! I am so excited! The new Design Team blog launched today. My profile info isn't up yet cuase I'm still at Brave Girls Camp and have not been able to send it in yet.

Have a look at the site.
Bookmark it.
Favorite it.

Add it to your google reader.

It's going to be FAB.

http://www.teresacollinsblog.typepad.com/

Brave Girls Camp - February 2010

Tomorrow I'm off to Brave Girls Camp. Preparing for the arrival of some very special and amazing Brave Girls.


I can't wait. xoxox :)

Tell you all about it next week.

Oh yeah, I'm also joining a design team. I'll tell you who once it's official. I'm so excited.

:)

Love ya.