Even Wonder Women Needs a Little Help Sometimes...

Brave Girls Club.

Just think of it as the enigma of Art Retreats.

Really.  Anytime I tell someone "I'm going to Brave Girls Camp!"  I get a lot of blank stares... actually blank stares would be nice... really it's more an expression of "sommmmmebody's been hittin' the sauce."

And then after I tell them, "It's this amazing life and art retreat for women that changes the way you look at yourself, and helps you to refocus and recenter your life around what's important, and real, and true.

Then I get the "somebodies a little phsyco" mixed in with a little "brainwash camp" look.

e·nig·ma

   /əˈnɪgmə/ Show Spelled[uh-nig-muh] Show IPA

–noun, plural -mas, -ma·ta  /-mətə/ show+spelled">Show Spelled[-muh-tuh] Show IPA.

1. a puzzling or inexplicable occurrence or situation

Needless to say, it's impossible to explain what happens, or how such amazing life changes and life friendships can happen over such a short period of time.  For some women Brave Girls Camp is the first opportunity in their life when that they allow themselves to believe...

That they are beautiful on the inside and out.

That they are valuable.

That there is a purpose for their life.

That there are other people who need them.

That it is okay to forgive.

That it is okay to love, and be loved.

That everyone... no matter how pulled together they appear on the outside... has challenges and insecurities on the inside.

That there are other women who understand what they are going through.

Cam and Ali

Brave Girls Practice Camp Sept. 2010

**************************

Back then I was so sure of myself....  I was so sure I was:

unattractive

worthless

stupid

unlovable

unworthy

unqualified

a failure

rejected

wrong

alone

desperate

I'm not perfect, sometimes I still struggle with all of these things. 

Brave Girls Club helped me "find my balls" literally. 

They were in Cascade, ID (who knew, right?).

Brave Girls Club helps women to feel confident with who they are. 

It helps women to see themselves clearly.

There is just something about stepping into your Brave Girl boots and hitting the floor running.

After Brave Girls Practice Camp, the First official Brave Girls Camp was held in October of 2009.  I don;t have a group picture, but I believe there were about 35 people.

Then February, 2010

May, 2010

October, 2010

February, 2011 Staff Picture (minus one unicorn. aka Tanya) 

 Brave Girls Camp is an art retreat, but not like any other.  All of the art projects are introspective and designed to help women really face what's holding them back, deal with it, and move forward.  Almost everything involves collage, and lots and lots and lots and lots of Mod Podge. 

For real....  invest in their stock.

Brave Girls Camp is about taking a time out from all the roles we play, responsibilities we hold, and people who rely on us, and remembering who we are, and that we can't function well for anyone when we are depleted ourselves. 

It's about listening to what your heart needs to tell you and then doing something about it.

Facing the lies, and moving past them.

Wanna see how far I've come?  I made this next piece at practice camp.  It perfectly described who and where I was mentally:

And then I made this leather bracelet at February 2011 camp.

  Because I am.....

Wonder Cam.

Tomorrow Staff heads up to McCall, ID to start prepping for July 2011 Camp, as well as the first mother/daughter Brave Girls Camp.

It's going to be crazy busy.  Tons of hard work.  Really great food.  Amazing new friendships.

Brave Girls Club.

Just think of it as the enigma of Art Retreats.... and then COME.

See ya in two weeks.

xoxo

Cam 

My Politically Incorrect Rant About Feeling Fluffy.

There is something that's been bugging me for a long time.  I haven't blogged about it before because I don't want to offend anyone.  But honestly,  I don't think most people are even aware of their behavior and how it is received.  

Raise your hand if you like to hear a thin girl talk about how out of shape she is...  or fat she is... or how she has gained weight?

Yeah, That's kinda what I thought you would say. 

Let me preface all of this by saying that I know there are women (and men) who have legitimate frustration of their weight, and they do not have options, or have very limited options, to do anything about it.  I understand medication and medical problems, can take control out of  your hands.  If anyone who is going through that right now is reading, I sincerely apologize if my post offends you in any way.  I in no way mean to say anything to belittle your situation. 

My current rant is really going out the to the people who can do something about their physical image, and choose not too... and then still complain about it. 

Do you know no matter what size you are it's still frustrating when your "skinny jeans" don't make you feel sexy, because you think you look like a stuffed sausage?  ... And your fat pants are your "new" skinny pants?

Do you know that it's frustrating to work very hard to stay in shape, and then stop being diligent for just a couple days, and be able to see a difference in your body.

Do you know it's frustrating to feel unsatisfied with the current state of your body, and want to talk to your close friends about it.. about why you feel down... and their response is::

Oh for real??  Don't talk to me about your skinny-ass problems! 

Pa-LEEEZ!

It's not much different than saying ,"shut up!  I know I'm not putting in the effort you're putting in, and for some reason that makes me feel justified to be able to complain about why I'm not getting the results you're getting." Telling someone thin you don't want to hear about what's bothering them isn't a compliment, it hurts.  And yes, I do know and understand that some women do try very hard and have a very difficult time with their weight. 

Most women who you would assume should be 100% happy with their bodies do still obsess about what's wrong with their figure, just as much as every other women.  So saying things like, "I'd be freakin' overjoyed if I looked like you!" is probably not a true statement, you might honestly believe that it's true right now... but losing weight is a slow process and it's hard to get rid of that mental block that tells you you're still out of shape.

Kudos. Kudos, kudos, kudos to the women who are completely confident in their bodies no matter the shape. I admire you so much. I would love to be like you... but I feel like I need to loose 5 more lbs... and then I'll be satisfied. Just 5 more pound.... There are always 5 more pounds. I've passed my 5 lbs goal several times and when I reach it... I just extend the goal. I'm still trying to lose just 5 more pounds.... that's my current goal, and I know when I do lose 5 lbs...  I'll feel like I need to lose 5 more. 

True. There are the women who really do complain about their weight in a way that makes it clear they are fishing for a compliment.  And yes, that is annoying.

The mentality that skinny people are skinny because they just are... and they don't have to work at it, ...they can just eat anything they want and have a perfect metabolism...  Yes, there are women like that, and it is OKAY to hate them.

I'm kidding!!  Relax!

But most women who are in shape work very hard at it.  I certainly went through an overweight phase.  Yup.  and no, I'm not talking about being a size 8 or something.  I was big.  Embarrassing big. There is a period of about 3 years that I do not have a single picture of myself.  When I had my children I gained....  are you ready for this... 50-60 lbs with each pregnancy....  and didn't know how to lose it.  Actually it wasn't that I didn't know how to lose it, I was just convinced that I was meant to be fat the rest of my life, and didn't think it was possible to be considered attractive.  It was completely in my head that I was suppose to be fat now.  Staying in shape is not easy for me... and it's not easy for most of the women I know who are in shape. 

When I say I'm feeling uncomfortable about my body.  It's because I'm feeling insecure.  And it's okay for a thin women to feel insecure sometimes.  Don't belittle her insecurity.  Don't verbally compare yourself to her, and tell her just how great she's got it.  Just validate her.  It's okay to say, "I think you look great, but I totally understand your frustration about not feeling satisfied."

I know I am thin.  I'm not particularly interested in necessarily being thinner.  But I am not very toned and I really want to do something about that.  I heard a fitness model say it best when she described herself, she was never heavy, but she was what she called "skinny-fat"  --small pant size, but low muscle, and high body fat content.  I use to run... everyday.  Now I don't do much of anything except watch my caloric intake.  I just seem to have so much more to do, and never have time. 

Excuses, excuses... I know they are.  I'm just not making it a priority. 

And so... Last Friday I bought myself a little pressie...

Are you as excited as I am??  Because I'm dang excited.  When I was a teenager I had a loft in my room.  Loft = ladder.  Ladder = pull ups.  Lots and lots of pull ups.  I use to be able to do 15...  now I can do three.  Coupled with my gymnastics background and even now I have good definition in my arms.  Not nearly as good as they use to be, but certainly not bad either.

I just want to keep them that way...  slow the age deterioration as much as possible.

Now I just wish there was something I could do for my abs that I love as much as chin ups...

I have a goal.  I want to be able to do 50 push ups in one set.  I'm only a third of the way there.  But I'm setting a goal publicly to be there by the end of the summer.

And I'm going to start running again. 

I.just.gotta

xoxo Cam

Hope you all still love me after this.

The Transformation of Canvas

Done.

xoxo Cam

The Higher Education

When I was a senior in high school I was soooo tired of school.  Probably because it got in the way of boys, and dating boys, and looking at boys, and shopping.... so I looked good for boys.  And then there was work.  I worked from the very day I became legally able to hold a job.  At least 24 hours a week year round.  Yup, I was one of those girls who wasted all of the opportunities available for a free education.

I graduated from high school.  Without flying colors.

I applied to one college, and got turned down for non academic reasons.  Then decided I wanted to "take a year off"... then I was for sure going to college.  So I played, and moved across country, and played and worked, and worked, and worked...

When I wasn't dating I was working.  Obsessively. ...and doing very well?  I've never had a problem getting a job, getting promoted, getting a raise, or keeping a job.  By the time I was 20 I was making +$50,000/yr, so you can see why I would be hesitant to walk away and go to college, right?

My year came and I was working and engaged to be married to a boy who also had not gone to college.... so the priority then became putting him through college.... for nine years....

A lot happens in nine years.  Kids mostly.  So I continued to put it off, thinking when my youngest was about ready to start school THEN... then... I would go to college.

And so my youngest started school, and... I went back to work.  I know. really? What can I say, the economy was down.

So now I'm sitting here.  Sincerely embarrassed when anyone asks me where I went to college...  It just happened last week.  I was on a business trip meeting with an attorney and a CFO to settle a lawsuit and was asked if I went to Boise State....  I feel so guilt, but I just said "um yeah..."  I did technically fill out the enrollment papers and send them in once...

I have a hard time with the concept of college.  Do I think I could benefit.  YES.  Without doubt yes.
Do I think I'm going to be very successful in my career without going to college.  Yes.
Does everyone who goes to college have the opportunity to have a very successful career? NO... definitely no.  There is definitely something more important than a higher education that simply can't be taught... it can be learned, but the individual has to seek after it... you can't teach it to someone.

The secret? A strong work ethic, drive to succeed, and a sharp mind.

I am convinced those three qualities will get you farther in life than anything else.  I am convinced that with those qualities it's possible to learn everything that can be learned in college... eventually.

I am convinced that some people graduate college absolutely no better off than when they entered.

It's beginning to sound like I don't believe in higher education.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.

I'm just saying that a higher education isn't enough on its own.

I still want to go to college.  Thinking about quitting all my second jobs and actually doing it.. starting...  I know I've said that before.... I just really want the piece of paper.  I haven't quite figured out what I would actually study but I'm thinking engineering.

Should I do it?  let me know.. if you've gone...  didn't go...  going... whatever.

xoxo Cam

For Business or Pleasure?

Okay.

I'm sure after a while business travel could get old...  but not yet.

I love it!  I love to travel, try new things,  explore new places; so what could be better than combining it with work?  

I don't have to take time off.

I'm getting paid.

My expenses are covered.

And it's good for my company, and my career.

Jen and I recent to Washington recently.  Met some really great railroaders and clients.

Picked up some new colorful language.

Meet Mike Curtis and his lovely wife Pam. We had planned on having dinner with them, and ended up hanging out with them for 12 great hours.

"Soup Sandwich"

"Do you smell that?  BONES and FLESH.." 

The view from Mike and Pam's back yard.

Then we met a couple of Jims.

One Jim's a client,

One Jim's with Railex.

Then Nashville!  

I - L-O-V-E - Nashville.

Mostly because it's hot and humid and everyone wears cowboy boots.

It's also the home of one of my favorite clients...  

And a some of my favorite Engineers and Conductors..

And so...  Let the travel continue!  

Because Railroaders Care.

((I think we need to start making more ads like this.))

xoxo Cam

Highlineeport??

My Bestie is Australian and has the most wonderful accent, however, she keeps telling me that I'm the one with the accent, but for reals... it's her. 

Ummm... until I try to use the Voice Search app on my phone to create a to do list while I'm driving. 

Now I have absolutely no idea what I need to do....

Set it free glitter in backyard repair chore chart for children repair homework assignment review meal are you brave girl email buy dog food you wardrobe dry cleaning check address is on all the nations in nashville email perry detox regarding music city record of nashville contact telephone number email addresses review assignment to take to nashville you trace r kmart highlineeport with shan organize all hotel airline and car rental paperworka review market time line

I think my favorite is: "email perry detox regarding music city record of nashville"  

Hmmm...  I already knew this was a problem, which is why I tried to pronounciate...

Alrighty, I gotta go set the glitter free in my back yard.

Until next time....

xoxo Cam

The Balancing Act

Sometime I begin to feel like the lady at the circus spinning plates.  It's mesmerizing and beautiful, but she never looks away.  Always spinning. Balancing.  Keeping all of the plates moving in unison. 

If I get distracted or forget about a plate it begins to slow, and teeter.

Teeter for my attention.

teeter... wobble.

At one time... long long ago...

The plates all started neatly stacked.  Perfect.  Stable and unmoving. 

No one stops to watch a neatly stacked pile of plates.

And so I spin and spin and spin the plates... And sometimes without even noticing, I discover someone has added even more plates...  and I didn't even realize I had started to spin them.

I want to just stop and rest and forget about the plates for a while, but I'm afraid.

Afraid of what will happen when the plates fall.  Will I be relieved, or will I regret so much allowing them to fall?  Maybe life is so much better when I am preoccupied with my plates?

It's just so hard sometimes knowing I don't get a break until the plates fall.

 

Teeter .... Wobble

 

It's
just
that
there
are
just
so
many,
many,
plates.

And sometimes I feel like this girl: 

And sometimes I know I am this one:

Gotta go.

The plates are slowing and beginning to teeter. 

::wobble::

xoxo Cam