Monday, October 13, 2008

I am a worrier...

Not to be confused with a warrior. Being a warrior would be awesome! A warrior would always know what to do and and wouldn't fret over if any one's feelings got hurt in the decision making process because they would know they made the right choice. A warrior is always needed and makes those around them feel secure and safe. I would love to think people are all scared and don't know what to do and then I show up.


And everyone is so happy and feels so at easy. Like, NOW everything will be A-Okay.

But alas, I am a HUMONGOUS worrier. Here are some of the things I worry about. Some are rational, and some are really not.... but that won't stop me because I am a Super Worrier.

And by the way, a super worrier does not wear a cape, and never has pictures of them taken at an upwards angle so they look larger than life, with wind blowing threw their hair and the sun at their back.

I'm worried....

...the first freeze of winter has killed my sad little garden and I did not get enough produce to put up for the winter.

...something bad will happen this winter and since I didn't get food put up we will all starve to death.

...something bad will happen and we won't be able to get any energy and we will all freeze to death this winter. BFF is really sick and maybe she won't get better.

...there are so many horrific things happening with my siblings right now that make so sad and stressed for them.

...the letter I wrote to my dear friend to try and express my love, and be helpful came out all wrong and just made her feel worse and..

...I should email her or call her and apologize but then if I didn't make her feel worse I look like an insecure idiot and...

...she will think, "Oh no, not her again!" when I come around.

...everyone thinks, "oh no, not her again!" when I come around.

...there are people I should forgive and need to forgive that I am hanging onto anger towards.

...about my friend who just found out her husband is being laid off.

...about my husbands job when so many people seem to be out of work, or getting laid off.

...about my in laws in Russia with the Georgia conflict. car might break down

...fiances are too tight.

...about the economy.

...the elections. Neither candidate seems to like a really great choice to me. I teaching my children what they need to KNOW to survive when they leave the house... every time they leave the house

...I'm bitter when I see pregnant women and newborn babies.

...about being used.

...people don't really like my work, but just tell me they do to placate me. kids teachers might not like my kids. all might realize I am a loser and move on. all now know how insecure I am and will think I'm a freak. A freak who needs help, and you will move on.

...I keep letting people down.

...people think I am a bad mom because my kids are not in the top of their class. kits for the November Crop I would like to participate in will not sell.

...that I worry too much.

Okay, I think I'm done for now. Not that this is all I am worried about, It's just the parts I feel comfortable sharing. There is so much more!

Wouldn't you like to know... Probably not. Wait, don't go....


Camber said...

Do you like to read? I have two amazing books that I think would be amazing for you. They have literally changed my life. I would be more than happy to lend them to you. I have four copies of one of them. That's how GREAT they are! I will have Scott bring them when he picks up Batman Begins.

Krista Hanna said...

ya know, I worry about a LOT of the same things you do, almost everything you listed I could relate to. A lot of moms worry about these things- you aren't alone! You are very brave to have shared these things on your blog- I admire that.

Melanie: said...

I was just talking about worrying to a coworker of mine. When your friend Camber brings those books to you, won't you post the titles and authors so I can check them out too? My coworker and I are up at 2 or 3 in the morning worrying...we need to stop. There has to be a healthier way of living. I don't think we were meant to worry so much.

Camille said...

Camber, If you get this message, thank you very much! I would love to read the book. BTW, I don't have your email, but you totally need to add me to your blog. I would have asked a long time ago, but you know, the first time I read your blog it wasn't private and then the next time I tried to go read it, it was private. Being the worrier I am I assumed you just didn't want ME reading it. Maybe I'm wrong. :)

Ali said...

Oh Cami, you worrier!!! I'll be fine, I'll get better... it would take a whole lot more than pneumonia to keep me down. Just the kids whinging this morning got me out of bed! All the other stuff, well, some of your worry is justified. I think we have trials in our lives so that we learn to appreciate the good things we have too. I can't speak for everyone but I think you're pretty darn wonderful. My life would be such a mess without you to do all my worrying for me, lol.
I worry too... I worry you think you're being used by me who is never as organised as you. You send me these fantastic bday presents and I feel like an awful friend! This probably doesn't even make sense.

Shawna said...

I laughed out loud. I could've sworn I unknowingly wrote your post in my sleep. So familiar. Maybe if we stick together it won't be so bad! I will share my prolific zucchini crop and you can make us all warm blankies!! P.S. I want the info on the books, too!

Craig and Stacy said...

Ok so I thought I was the only one, but latley I have learned a great lesson,(not by my own choice) it is kind of one of those things that life has been trying to teach me and I think I just began to understand and start to learn. I have learned that the more I worry the less I enjoy my family and my LIFE (and my sleep). and how sad for me that was, so I started to pray for HELP. and it came just in time for our lifes BIG changes.:) I have learned that I can't control everything I want to, butI can be prepared, do what I can ,and have faith that no more will be asked of me than what I can handle.I honestly don't wake up in a panic anymore, don't get me wrong I still worry about things but they don't keep me up or make me crabby.(as much at least)Sorry I will get off the soap box now:) Love Stacy

Kindall Klan said...

Camille, I too am a (professional) worrier, and I come from a LONG line of worriers. So I can't pretend like I don't know where my little Eligh is coming from :) Don't be too hard on yourself! Once these things right themselves, I'm sure you'll come up with new things to worry about :) because that's what *I* do..... go to my blog later, I'm going to try to post a song for you to hear :)

Camber said...

Alright LADIES!! This is for each of you. The books are both written by the same woman. Her name is Leslie Householder. She is an amazing woman. Her two books are titled "The Jackrabbit Factor" and "Hidden Treasures" They are only $10 on Amazon. Go ahead and order won't be disappointed or regret that you did. Camille, Angela Withers is borrowing "hidden treasures" right now I realized after I wrote your response, but I will bring over the Jackrabbit Factor tonight...along with a treat. "Jackrabbit Factor" is the one you need to read first that will work out fine! I'll be there soon!...probably before you read this.

Jesse Edwards said...

ok, well first of all If you run out of food I have more than enough salsa that I could sustain yours and my family on salsa alone!!! Not to mention the 2 year supply of jam I have! :)

It's easy to be worried, but, Pres. Hinckley said, to women, "Do not nag yourself with thoughts of failure." You are good enough!

Damaris said...

Hey...I e-mailed you because I worried your blog readers were going to think I was writing a book!

BigTex said...

You see honey. Your not the only one, and there are more than enough people that love you and are here to support you (even if only with salsa and emotional support).
Don't forget, I'm there till the end too. No matter what you do, you CAN'T get rid of me!

Kristi M. said...

I have found that I am not much of a worrier but there are a couple of things. Finances for sure which really should put me over the top on the worrier scale and the point that you made about neither candidate really being a good one. The minute they were all announced, I thought that exact same thing. which less than great person do I want to vote for. I just love how you are so comfortable in sharing what is on your mind. In my eyes, that is a warrior.

Amber H. said...

LOL, I think you can tell by now that you aren't alone in this. I think most of us just aren't brave enough to say any of it out loud, or write it down in your case! I can relate with SO many of these!

Michelle said...

Oh Camille I can so relate to many of your worries, it keeps me up at night. I think woman are more prone to worrying and trying to control what they can. It is so hard to leave go.

mandbrid said...

Here's to worriers! Cheers! Gotta have something to think about, right?!

odiesgirl said...

ARE WE LIVING PARALELL lives? SERIOUSLY???? I think you just listed everything that goes through my head atleast once a day, if not twice... well, atleast once a week.

I love you cam! Your FABULOUS!!!! Anyone who doesnt like a letter you sent, it is their issue. You made me feel so much better when you wrote me one. I sincerely needed what you wrote. I dont know if you will ever understand how much I needed that specific letter at that time.

Once again. I love you your fabulous!

Katie Watson said...

Funny...not that you're a worrier...but I swear that I have so many of those worries also...
Except at least you had a small garden.....I worry that I will scar my kids cause we only get our veges from the produce section...and I can't keep something green to save my life!
Seriously sound like me so much..maybe that's why we are creative..bury our worry in fantasy land work!! Nice to know that I'm not the only one that is a "worrier"!!