Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Lets all go to the movies.

My Bestest has inspired me to try to blog more often... and so even though I said I was going to bed over an hour ago, here I am starting a new blog post.  :) 

After I lost my baby I was talking to a friend of min who had also lost a young child.  She very insightfully pointed out that tragedy is like a movie.  Whether it's happening to you or someone you know, the traumatized goes through some horrid mind numbing experience.  The friends and those around watch, and offer sympathy, cry and sometimes offer a hand...

But eventually they movie ends.  And they are ready for the movie to end.  They want to move on with their life.  They don't want to stay with you anymore in your darkness and fog.  And so they move on, only remembering your pain on occasions and eventually forgetting and seeing the new you as the permanent you, whether you want it to be or not. 

You become the _______. 

The widow
The mother with empty arms
The divorcee
The single mom
The abused one
The depressed one
The sick one....

You are no longer you, but you have become your title.

Expected to be able to handle your burden by now...surely.

I don't want  be that kind of friend.  I don't think any of us do.  I know I have been.  I haven't always been there.  It takes a supreme amount of love to stay after the credits have run and all that's remaining is the static. Sometimes it's hard to know how.

But I want to try.

xoxo Cam


mandbrid said...

Thanks Camille - this really gives me something to think about.

Ann said...


I want to try, too. I have failed at this in the past even as I expected friends around me to be able to do it.

BonnieRose said...

such a beautiful post Camille.. hugs... u are so so right.. some ppl don't wanna be there for the fall out, for the rough times, for the sad moments, for the uncontrollable sobs... I hear you loud and clear. I lost three children, so I know how deeply u feel. .big hugs to you today.. xoxooxox LOVE YOU DEAR SISTER.. YOU ARE BRAVE. REMEMBER THAT.. and u are right. I wanna be a better person, a better friend too. To not leave when someone may think they don't need me anymore. I wanna stick it thru.

Lisa said...

Wow Cam,
That gave me goosebumps - you are so insightful in your writing. It is sometimes hard to know how to stay and be helpful or maybe just "be". I want to try too.

Kristi M. said...

I'm glad that you posted this. It explains my mom's stroke really well. For us, the family, that went through it and certainly my mom who experienced it. Great way to explain the feeling.

AuBien said...

Truth. Total Truth. I had someone tell me once "no one really wants to hear what you are going through - we all have our own problems to deal with." Totally did not expect that from a friend ... that's when I learned about the "movie" truth. And then, I made her words truth and wouldn't tell anyone for years about anything I was going through. Everything was always fine after that.