Thursday, August 21, 2008

Eagle Island State Park

Today I was outside weeding my garden when I suddenly thought about Eagle Island State park, and that I really wanted to take the kids and go- right now. This is so out of character for me. I just don't act on a whim like this. Ever.

So anyway, I when right inside and called my sis to see if she wanted to go too. She had some important things she couldn't put off, so I offered to just pick up her kids and take them with me.

I am so glad we went. It was a beautiful day. The weather was perfect. When we first arrived, there were quite a few people there at the beach, but within an hour and and 15 minutes almost everyone left and we practically had the entire place to ourselves. (Hope we didn't run them off!)

Aaron eating grapes.

The water in the beach area is pretty shallow and nice and warm. All the kids were playing together, and since most of the kids are older I didn't need to worry about them to much. I was able to lay in the shade under this large tree and enjoy the perfect weather.

Jennica and Emily were busy digging a murky water hole (they called it a pool) for Jennica to sit in, and Noah and Ethan were building a plastic cup sand castle village or something.

While Noah and Ethan were digging they found a "real live worm!" Noah had to have a picture of it.

It was such a nice day. It never would have been so nice if I had planned it ahead of time.

Tomorrow is the official last day of summer vacation. This was a really nice end to summer. I have to say, I haven't been the best mom since April... but the last 3 weeks have been just awful. I've been horribly depressed about Vincent and not pleasant at all to be around. My poor kids haven't been able to do very much because I've been so upset and anti social. No playgroups, no trips to the library, or the park... just hanging around the house or playing with the neighbors.

I thought maybe once I got passed the due date things would get better, but now all I can think about is how he would be here now, and he's not. It's like loosing him and missing him all over again. I keep thinking about how old he would be, and what I would, and would not be doing if I had a newborn infant to care for. I'd still be depressed because I always get post pardum depression... so I guess I have that. My baby would be about four weeks old now.

I wonder how long I will stay in this funk? I don't have a whole lot of desire to get out of it. That's probably bad, but I just don't really care.


The Scrapbooking Factory said...

Cam what a great place! The Kids look like they really had an awesome time!

As far as the depression and unsocializing dont be so hard on yourself, time heals all. And when you look at the bigger picture in all reality very little time has passed. Easy up on yourself and take one day at a time.

god Bless

Craig and Stacy said...

I am so happy for you, i didn't get the kids to eagle Island this summer like I wanted to. It looks like you had a great time.
I hope you know that I think you are amazing, not only do you totally kick my but at blogging and returning e mails. But you are so honest and open on your blog you totally put yourself out there, and that takes a lot of courage. I think the one and only thing I can say to you about Vincent is... He will always be apart of you, and you are supposed to grieve. I am glad that you know that you are ok where you are right now, don't stop grieving until you are ready,and there will come a time when you will. But know that it is ok to feel the way you do right now,you will always love him and remeber him, but the stabbing pain will ease itself and you will know when you are done greiving and ready to remember.
I love you and am greatful for you in my life again. Love Stacy

Alison said...

Sweetheart, sometimes you are just too hard on yourself. You've only just lost little Vincent and you are right when you said that his due date in many ways just opens the wound up again. Take your time to be sad, and grieve as you need to. Just remember that we all love you and are here for you.

Kristi M. said...

This last week has brought us the best weather ever! I like Jennica's nasty looking water hole. So fun!

I love how you are so honest with your feelings. I just know that you documenting how you feel will help someone else in a similar situation. You never know, it may be me someday. I really appreciate what you have been doing and have personally learned so much from it. Time will little time has passed.

Breya Fujimoto said...

I haven't thought about Eagle Island in years - I'm going to have to take Dax and the kids there soon. Sounds like you had a beautiful day.
Hang in there - this too will pass...