Thursday, January 1, 2009

Thank the Lord, it's finally over.

2008 was not my favorite year.

In fact, it was down right awful. I learned a lot this year. Lessons I'm glad I have, but never want to learn again, and certainly do not think of fondly.

I've learned what how infant deaths are handled at the hospital, how much an infant grave and casket cost. Where to go to order a headstone (even thought I have yet to do it. I just can't. It will make everything to final.) I've learned that the cemetery in the spring, summer, and fall is apparently a really great place for people without respect for others to ride their bikes and exercise. I have some idea of how bad emotional pain can really be.

I've learned that it isn't always for the best for two people to stay married to each other, and that sometimes people you love and feel so close to are hiding things and carrying large burdens you might know nothing about. I've learned that physical abuse and infidelity are not the only acceptable reasons for divorce. And I've learned it IS sometimes in the best interest for the children.

I've learned that no matter how perfect some one's life might appear, we all have struggles and challenges. And that if we do not face them and attack them head on, that the challenges will win. We can not let our guard down, even for the briefest time.

I'm still trying to learn that it's okay if people who see me as strong assume that means I don't need help or support. It doesn't mean they don't love me or care about me, it just means they don't understand me.

I've learned that most everyone has secrets, and how good it feels to just let them go and get over them. And that not everyone looks the same on the inside as they do on the outside. Some people let their secrets become ugly, rotting, putrid bits of decay that eat at their insides until those around them can see and smell... and know. It changes them into people they don't necessarily want to be, but that can't let go of the secret, even though they know what it's doing to them.

I've learned life really does go on, and that pain and anger really do diminish with time. I've learned that the Lord really does guide and direct every aspect of our lives, if we will let him. And if you think your not letting Him, but doing it all on your own, you're very much mistaken. Every opportunity we have, every choice we are given, the Lord has given us, and it is our decision to use it to move forward or slip back.

And so, farewell 2008. I won't miss you, but I will remember your lessons for the rest of my life, perhaps even longer.


Ali said...

I hope this year is a better year Cami. I think you've done an amazing job coping with all that life has thrown at you. As for your comment about being strong... I believe you are strong, stronger than you know. Maybe some of what you said is true, but not for me. I do know you, I know you inside out, and I know you are incredible. It's not that I don't know you, it's that I know you so well!!!

Damaris said...

Hi there Ms. C.
Happy New YEAR!!!! May 2009 bring you joy, peace, health and above all God's continual blessings. 2008 was a bit difficult for me as well, but I found a great deal of strenght through Christ and to my great surprise, I found myself this past year. For that I will reflect on 2008 and will never forget the blessings I was bestowed. You are absolutely right. We all have secrets. Some fester and can kill our spirits yet some secrets are kept to protect ourselves...sometimes we need that in order to survive. I am so glad we met. You brought me laughter and inspired me with your amazing talent!

odiesgirl said...

This excerpt alone has inspired me to write about this past year for me! Thank you... If you dont mind, I may even quote a few things. from SEVERAL of our conversations since this year alone you have been such a spiritual lift to me! Thanks
Love always,

Shawna said...

I admire your bravery and strength to talk about the things that bring me to my knees. You know I am right there with you!

AMY said...

You are one strong soul! I admire your willingness to share the trials of this past year with us. 2008 will always be a year to remember in positive and negative ways. But one thing I have chosen to take with this past year is perspective. I tend to regret alot. Hope your 2009 will be better then FINE!!

Lizzy said...

What a brave reflection. I'm so impressed by your perspective - taking so many hard, awful things and sifting out a life lesson! I hope to always do the same.

kat said...

cami! that was such a wonderful tribute to such a horrific year.....way better than my morbid "2008 is DEAD".....i love this post....i wish i would have written it myself so i could post it on my blog.....heres to 2009!!!
love you!

Dee2 said...

I just wanted to say goodbye to 2008 as well. I won't miss it. I enjoyed your post, perhaps because of my own lessons learned.

Ann said...

Great post. Nice writing. Beautiful blog. Feel free to link my blog up.

Amanda said...

I really appreciate your personal posts. I always learn so much from you. You are strong and wise, but also so humble and honest and I think that's why people connect with you. Thank you for teaching us and being there for me and for so many people you touch. I hope the year of 2009 won't be so hard to bear and that maybe you'll get a little break from some of life's lessons.