Thursday, May 29, 2008

I can't weight to loose it.

Alright. So what I'm about to do is WAY outside my comfort zone, but I'm doing it anyway. It just needs to be done.

This is a picture of me from last September in Washington DC. I remember when we first got home from this trip I saw this picture and thought I looked awefully hippy, and not in a woodstock kind of way... in a, "why are my hips so wide when I've been running all summer long?!!" I didn't care for it much at all.

After my first baby was born I was absolutely convinced I was going to be a big fatty for the rest of my life. I come from a family of reletively tall, high metabolism, weight conscience, skinny people. I've always been the short one who got all the fat jokes.

Anyway, about 9 months after the birth of my first child, when I think I may have weighed a bit more than I did when I was first post pardum, I suddenly realized one day, "wait a minute, hold the phone... I don't *have* to be fat if I don't want too! I might have to work a little harder at it, but there is no reason I have to carry extra weight." So I immediately stopped using the, "I'm already fat so it doesn't matter," excuse to stuff my face, and avoid excercise.

It didn't happen over night but I lost all the extra weight.

Everytime I get pregnant I put on a lot of weight. I get so sick the first 18 weeks or so, and all I can do to lessen the nausau is eat. as long as there is food in my stomache the sickness is bearable. So I eat, and eat and eat... I usually gain about 65 lbs during the length of my pregnancies. I do have 10 lb babies, but still, that is a lot of extra weight. It usually takes me about 9 months to get close to my prepregnancy weight.

With Vincents pregnancy, I had him at about 24 weeks. My total pregnancy gain was about 32 lbs. I lost about 10 lbs in the first couple weeks after delivery. So now I'm still about 22 lbs heavier than I was prepregnancy.

I never like the way I look postpardum with all the extra weight, but it's usually tolerable because I have this beautiful new baby, and I know the extra weight was just a sacrifice I needed to make to get it here.

Now, however, I am very frustrated with my body. Not just the weight gain, but how out of shape I am. Last week I went on a hike with the youth from church. It was a pretty short hike, but almost completely straight uphill. It felt like climbing 2 miles of stairs. I had such a hard time. I have never before been the one at the back of the line, struggling to keep up, until this time. It was horribly depressing.

Everytime I am reminded of how out of shape I am I feel frustrated with everything I put my body through, and then the baby didn't make it. It seems like it was all for not. I know it wasn't because we still have this beautiful baby sealed to our family, and if I had the choice to go back, I do it all again. But I'm still frustrated.

So here I am. I can barely jog a 1/2 mile before my lungs and calves give out on me. I'm ready to get back into shape. I'm actually, gulp, going to post my 'before' pictures now... before I have 'after' pictures to prove the outcome was good. Yikes.

I do have a FANTASTIC support group. Several of my good friends at PFOP are interested in loosing weight so we're working together to motivate each other.

Hopefully in a month or two... maybe longer... I will have really fabulous 'after' pictures to post.

Wish me luck!


Scrapmymemories said...

I'm so happy we are all doing this together! Ihavnt taking before pictures in front of the mirror but I have pictures from last weekend I will use!
I am doing very well already lost 4 lbs since monday! But ear in mind I am ALOT bigger than you and have a goal loss of 90lbs!!!

Alison said...

Well great bestfriend I am. I am eating a block of cadbury creme brulee chocolate while I read your blog. I still am 10kg heavier than I was pre-Bree. 10kg what's that... like 22lbs or something. Bree is one next week and I still haven't lost it. I WANT TO but the chocolate just wont let me!!!

Hope you have better luck than me, I know you will you are so determined when you want to be!

ahalversen (DBA) said...

Good luck with your goal Cam! I know it's hard, but you can do it! After I had Felicity I had 30 lbs to lose and it was the hardest thing I had ever done, but it was SO worth it! I can't wait to see how you progress, but you'll be back into your size 4's in no time :o)

mandbrid said...

Nice Cam...I'd be running around naked celebrating if I weighed what you do at your heaviest! You look great! But good luck to you anyway - I admire your determination. I'm completely lacking in that department - I've just learned to love a "chunky Mandy". ;-)

Kristi said...

You will lose that weight in no time. I remember thinking one day in the shower 12 months post-Gunnar how I finally felt good and in shape. Little did I know that 24 months post-Gunnar that with a little hula for exercise I lost 20 lbs and am exactly where I need to be. I had 33 lbs to lose after Gunnar. With your determination you will be able to shed it much quicker than my 2 years! So many people would die to look as good as you do now. Can't wait to read about your progress.

The Scrapbook Exchange said...

Oh GOOD LUCK CAM!!!! I wish I were brave enought to post before pictures :) After my hysterectomy, nothing has been the same and for some reason all I have to do is think about food and I gain weight. I have about 20 lbs I want to loose, you are inspiring me to GET ON IT!!!

The best of luck girlie!

Dee Dee said...

You can do it! :)

Lizzy said...

I'm so proud of you posting those pictures . . . I'll be on the baby-weight-losing train before long! I'm so excited to start exercising again!

Connie said...

Sweetpea, if that pix of you in Washington looks "hippy" to you then there ain't no hope for the rest of us!! You look terrific!!!