This is a picture of me from last September in Washington DC. I remember when we first got home from this trip I saw this picture and thought I looked awefully hippy, and not in a woodstock kind of way... in a, "why are my hips so wide when I've been running all summer long?!!" I didn't care for it much at all.
After my first baby was born I was absolutely convinced I was going to be a big fatty for the rest of my life. I come from a family of reletively tall, high metabolism, weight conscience, skinny people. I've always been the short one who got all the fat jokes.
Anyway, about 9 months after the birth of my first child, when I think I may have weighed a bit more than I did when I was first post pardum, I suddenly realized one day, "wait a minute, hold the phone... I don't *have* to be fat if I don't want too! I might have to work a little harder at it, but there is no reason I have to carry extra weight." So I immediately stopped using the, "I'm already fat so it doesn't matter," excuse to stuff my face, and avoid excercise.
It didn't happen over night but I lost all the extra weight.
Everytime I get pregnant I put on a lot of weight. I get so sick the first 18 weeks or so, and all I can do to lessen the nausau is eat. as long as there is food in my stomache the sickness is bearable. So I eat, and eat and eat... I usually gain about 65 lbs during the length of my pregnancies. I do have 10 lb babies, but still, that is a lot of extra weight. It usually takes me about 9 months to get close to my prepregnancy weight.
With Vincents pregnancy, I had him at about 24 weeks. My total pregnancy gain was about 32 lbs. I lost about 10 lbs in the first couple weeks after delivery. So now I'm still about 22 lbs heavier than I was prepregnancy.
I never like the way I look postpardum with all the extra weight, but it's usually tolerable because I have this beautiful new baby, and I know the extra weight was just a sacrifice I needed to make to get it here.
Now, however, I am very frustrated with my body. Not just the weight gain, but how out of shape I am. Last week I went on a hike with the youth from church. It was a pretty short hike, but almost completely straight uphill. It felt like climbing 2 miles of stairs. I had such a hard time. I have never before been the one at the back of the line, struggling to keep up, until this time. It was horribly depressing.
Everytime I am reminded of how out of shape I am I feel frustrated with everything I put my body through, and then the baby didn't make it. It seems like it was all for not. I know it wasn't because we still have this beautiful baby sealed to our family, and if I had the choice to go back, I do it all again. But I'm still frustrated.
So here I am. I can barely jog a 1/2 mile before my lungs and calves give out on me. I'm ready to get back into shape. I'm actually, gulp, going to post my 'before' pictures now... before I have 'after' pictures to prove the outcome was good. Yikes.
I do have a FANTASTIC support group. Several of my good friends at PFOP are interested in loosing weight so we're working together to motivate each other.
Hopefully in a month or two... maybe longer... I will have really fabulous 'after' pictures to post.
Wish me luck!