Thursday, May 1, 2008

One Week

It's been one week since the birth of my little Vincent. Since I awoke at about 5:00 this morning I have found myself constantly checking the time and remembering exactly what was happening at this time last Thursday.

At about 5:00 am we were discussion with the doctor the option of having a c-section. My labor had not progressed and it had been about 15 hours. We were going to give it one more dose of medication and in 4 more hours, if I had still not improved, then we would have a c-section. A c-section this early in pregnancy is quite a bit more risky as it requires a vertical incision. The recovery time is longer and more difficult.

About 5:30am my dad arrived and with my husband gave me a special blessing. I was so out of it and just so tired at this point that I couldn't stay awake and was drifting in and out of sleep. The one thing I do remember was that the room was full of angels.

Finally at about 7:30 or so, I really don't know for sure on the time, my epideral started to wear off, and I was feeling strong contraction on my right side. The anestisiologist was called back and he gave me a boost of meds through the epideral line. That helped for about 15 minutes, then the pain was back. The anestisiologist was called back again. Another boost was administered and he adjusted the line in my back. That worked again for about 15 minutes.

By now it was about 8:10. I was suddenly really close to delivery. The doctor was called and I remember being so scared that the doctor would not arrive in time. My epideral was not working again and the anestisiologist was considering putting in a new line. Since I was so close I just wanted another booster shot. This one worked pretty well and over the next 5 minutes or so while we waited for the doctor everything was just so peaceful.

The doctor arrived at about 8:20 or so and the room was preped for delivery. I felt so at peace. I was not in any pain and everyone was so calm and at ease. The delivery of my baby was very quick and easy. The presence of heavenly beings was so strong, and so very comforting. I got to hold my baby. It was hard to see his body so small and still.

I know that my baby is safe. Our family has not experienced very much death. There is my maternal grandmother who passed when I was very young, and my paternal grandfather who passed when my father was just a child. My husband's grandparents have also passed. I know that Vincent is with them, and that together they are watching over and guiding our family. I know that someday we will all be together again.

Most days I wish that day was now. I just hate being seperated, especially from my little baby boy. I know they will patiently wait for us, and I know my time here is not complete. I'm trying my best to go on with my life. It's not always easy. Today is one of the hard days. But each day does get a little easier. I still think of my little boy all day everyday, but yesterday I didn't cry.

I'm trying hard to be happy, and each day it gets easier.


Scrapmymemories said...

Cam I admire your strength so much! I think you have been amazing this last week and I am sure you have lots of angels around helping you through whether they have wings or not they are all around you!

Justin Quinn said...


I dont know if you remember me, JQ from Chatterbox? Anyways, my older sister lost her little girl madalynn an hour after childbirth, it brought back so many memories to read of your experience. It is okay to cry and to miss him and to wish that he was still here, that part of you as a loving mother will never go away. It was comforting to hear, at Madalynn's gravesite dedication that the Lord knew she was to pure to be raised in an unclean world! This alone gives me hope!!! I will include you in my prayers!

Justin Quinn

Dee Dee said...

Thinking of you today, and hoping that somehow the pain is a little less.

Scott, Camber, and Makaya said...

Camille, I didn't know that you had a blog. What you've written of your experience is beautiful. We sure love your sweet family. You have been in our prayers, and will continue to be so. Please let me know if there is anything at all that you need.

Jesse Edwards said...

Oh Camille - My heart aches for you. you are in my prayers. thank you for sharing your experience, it must be so difficult...and I'm here for you.

Jesse Edwards said...

Oh Camille - My heart aches for you. you are in my prayers. thank you for sharing your experience, it must be so difficult...and I'm here for you.

Kristi said...

Camille, I do not doubt one second that you had angels surrounding you. What a beautiful, peaceful moment in time. You are truly loved.

Alison said...

So raw and such truth, one of the many reasons I love you so much. My heart breaks for you everyday. You are like a mirror to my soul sometimes. Please let me know if there is anything I can do.