Sunday, May 18, 2008

One month ago today

One month ago today, at this very time, was when I first realized something was wrong with the baby.

This pretty much sucks. I miss him.

Last night I had the hardest time falling asleep. I was thinking about how the only bond I had with Vincent was feeling him move for a couple weeks. I never felt him move externally, or was able to see him kick. I was beginning to wonder if I would forget all about him one day and maybe 10 years from now I will suddenly remember,

"oh yeah... there was Vincent. Wait, was he real, or just a dream of a dream I had?"

Then I began to wonder if I had lost other children and I've already forgot about them.

I wish I had more memories with my little baby. Sometimes it feels like he was never real.

2 comments:

ahalversen (DBA) said...

Cam, I heard from my sis in law (who heard it from her psychiatrist) that it's good to write down your feelings...it helps with the healing process. So please feel free to write all of your feelings out here on your blog. We would all love to help you through this hard time. And yes, I think it is totally normal to feel the way you are feeling. We all love you!

Alison said...

Sweetheart, no matter what kind of day you have, no matter where life takes you over the next 20 years. I promise you that although you may not cry everyday, hey you may not cry every week... you will never ever forget little Vincent. He will be in your heart forever.uhdzphg