My good friend Amber Halversen updated my blog for me with this amazing, cute, paper and digital tag. I love it so much. It's summer time at shesonehotmama.blogspot.com!
Next my sis emailed me some pictures of little John.
What a doll! He's so cute.
Cousins are cool though, and now Aaron gets to be the older cousin. He's going to love that!
Now he will know what it's like to be admired and followed after.
Today I also had my postpardum check up.
I was doing okay and wasn't feeling upset.
My appointment was with the doctor who delivered me. He's not my regular OB, so I had never been to see him at his office.
His nurse was talking to me as she started my appointment.
She said to me, "You should have brought your baby with you!"
She didn't know, so I'm not upset with her or anything, but I had to tell her he was stillborn, except I said, "it was stillborn." why did I say it?
He's been gone for a while now, and I talk about loosing him a lot here so I couldn't understand why it made me so upset after she said that. Then I realized it was actually the first time I had told anyone face to face. I don't think I have even had to tell anyone over the phone. It's the first time I had to see the shocked look on any one's face. Everyone else who has found out either found out from Andy, or word of mouth, or my blog, or email. They all had time to kind of compose themselves and think about how they were going to respond.
That was hard. I don't want to do that anymore.
I managed to hold it together till the Dr. came in and started asking if we had a service for the baby and how I was doing. He is great doctor. Luckily we share the same religious beliefs which made things so much easier because we were able to talk about our belief in the Savior and His plan for each one of us. We spend about 20 minutes or so just discussing gospel doctrine which was a little different for me, combining the two, medicine and religion.
When I was leaving the appointment, my sister in law's sister was in the waiting room. She had a baby a few days before I had Vincent with the same doctor and was there for her postpardum check up too. I couldn't go over and talk to her.
If she is reading this, I'm sorry. Please don't take it personally, I just didn't want to cry, and seeing your baby, who was born so close to mine, would have made that very hard.
I cried when I got out to my car anyway.