Oh Gesh....

Do you ever have one of those, "Oh duh... I'm so thick" moments?

I had one today when I realized this evening that I'm not the most important person in the world.

I know, I know... It's hard to believe, but I'm really not.

I realized, well duh... okay...

My MIL and FIL are LEAVING in FIVE days to serve a mission in MOSCOW, RUSSIA for EIGHTEEN MONTHS...

DO you think maybe they've got a lot on their minds? Um yeah... And yet they still took the time to take Andy and I out to dinner and to a play last night.

Do you think maybe my brothers and sisters in law, who would also be my MIL and FIL's children might be a little concerned for their parents and concerned about missing their parents.

That IS the reason we're here in Texas visiting after all...

Do you think there is a chance everyone might be a little overwhelmed with accommodating those of us who are from out of town, and trying to help their mom and dad get everything prepared for their move, and my FIL retiring, and arranging a camping trip-family reunion in the middle of everything, and farewell parties... all this on top of their already busy lives... There are about 32 of us who are here (I think?? It might be more...) One of my SIL's planned and carried out a week long day camp for 40 cub scouts that was also going on this week. Andy's brother is a regional manager for a large company that has currently just gone up for sale so he has been working long hours... My SIL who has been putting us up (or putting up with us..) works from home, and I swear, every minute she has spent in the last week and a half has either been entertaining our family, cooking for our family, or try to keep up with her work. All the while her husband has been repairing damage my kids have done to their house while we've been here... (Thank you Aaron) I could go on and on... this is hardly the half of it.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, even though I am still hurting over loosing Vincent, I've maybe been a little self centered. When I think about all that has been going on, I am really grateful for the time and attention that has been paid to our family and to me in particular. I guess I've been a little spoiled at home with the people around me who I'm sure are busy with their own lives, but haven't had all THIS extra stuff going on, so they have been able to give us so much time and attention. They also are so much more familiar with what we've been through because they have been there with us while we went through everything.

During the family reunion, which starts tomorrow, My inlaws have asked me to share with the adult members of the family what we have been through so everyone will be able to understand a bit more.

I'm not going to lie. I'm scared.

I want to do it, but at the same time, I have a really hard time talking about it in person. I can write and write about it, but I rarely even talk to Andy about how I'm feeling. He commented the other day that he has to read my blog to find out what I'm thinking, and it's really true. Just tonight he was asking me if I was thinking about Vincent, and it really put me completely on the offensive, like, "That is absolutely non of your business!" To me, it feels the same as someone asking me a very personal question, that's completely out of line for them to be asking.

I do not like to talk, out loud, about my feelings. It's WAY outside my comfort zone. I don't even like it when someone reads things about Vincent on my blog and then wants to talk about it with me. I need time to process, and that's what writing allows me to do.

Love you all,
Cam