Just a short picture less post.
I wanna go home. My in laws are WONDERFUL people. They really are, but they don't seem to understand what I'm going though and I have never felt so alone.
The other night we were at my father in laws retirement dinner. It was a fun night, but at one point his managers were asking about how many children each of us had, and my sister in law pointed to Andy and I and said we had three kids. I wanted to just shout, "no we have four kids!"
It bothered me so much, but then later that night I realized that unless I want to have to explain to every person who asks how many children I have, then I almost have to treat Vincent like he did not exist and only share his existence with the people I really want to sharing him with. I don't like that. It feels like I'm dishonoring him. If he had lived to be 4 or 5 years old, I never would skip over him, or allow other people to skip over him. It's like because he was stillborn the world does not see him as a real child, one that counts.
I was suppose to be going home today because I would have been too far along in my pregnancy to stay any longer, and risk being away from my home and doctor in case I went into labor.
I am suppose to be 31 weeks today and incredibly uncomfortable and big.